Five-Fifty-Five

NHL Mullets, Sharks at Nashville

2007-04-13T14:25:00.000-07:00

Sharks face the Nashole Predators tonight at Gaylord Entertainment Center in Nashville for a pivotal game 2 in the best of seven quarterfinal series. Sharks lead the series 1-0 after taking game one in double overtime Wednesday Night. Looks like RW Jonathan Cheechoo's knee injury is but a mild sprain--he skated this morning and will make a game time decision on whether or not to play. 555 says look for Cheech in the pressbox resting up for Monday's tilt back home at the Tank. We already got the split. Game starts at 8:00 Eastern, 5:00 Pacific on Versus or listen at NHL.com.

Meanwhile, check out the tooooooootally awesome NHL mullet gallery on espn.com, where Barry Melrose rates mullets across the league, and beyond, including a nice review of Macca's coifed do. Five out of five fives. 55555

Selanne Cheats, Whines -- Sharks Win

2007-04-05T13:50:00.000-07:00

Despite giving the Ducks an OT point, the San Jose Sharks stayed alive in the race for the Pacific Division last night and made a major statement in defeating Anaheim 3-2 in a shootout last night at the Pond. Things looked bleak when Craig Rivet was called for hooking with 36 seconds left in regulation, but during the intermission before OT, Sharks Coach Ron Wilson challenged the legality of Teemu Selanne's stick. "We had an inkling that his stick might be too wide," said Wilson, who had Selanne on his teams in San Jose and Anaheim. "When you look at it, it's almost the length of a goalie stick. I was just rolling the dice, and I figured I'd do it in the overtime and it worked." With Selanne off the ice, the teams played 3-on-3 in OT, with an abbreviated 4-on-3 power play for the Sharks.

You'd think Selanne-- a perennial Lady Byng trophy nominee for sportsmanship and gentlemanly conduct--wouldn't have been cheating in the first place, but his post game response was ridiculous. In addition to trying to justify his use of illegal equipment (and even suggesting that this wasn't a one time incident), Selanne bitched that he "wasn't happy about the call" and that Wilson "wasn't his favorite coach anymore." Awwwwwww. What a fuckin crybaby. We're so sad you don't want to play in our sandbox anymore, Teemu. I'll give the guy credit for his obvious great taste in women and for an All-Star worthy career, but this guy should never be up for the Byng again. It's time for the Finnish Flash to start showing some class.

To the above left is a great shot of Selanne getting stoned on a breakaway by Sharks net minder Evgeni Nabokov. Selanne--with a legal stick--was also unable to score in the shootout, which the Sharks won 2-1.

Two Years and Counting!

2007-04-04T11:03:00.000-07:00

Yesterday CSW and SFS celebrated our two year anniversary here in San Fran. It's hard to believe that two years have gone by, but at the same time it seems like ages since we left MD, drove that horrible truck across the entire country, and unloaded all of our worldly possessions at the 555 with the help of Joe and his buddies and most of my extended family (why THEY moved here in turn I'll never know). But hell, it's been an awesome ride so far, and I'm sure the next two years are gonna breeze by. It's been California Dreaming to the Max, so last night we celebrated with some Mediterranean Chicken and a bottle of bub. SFS said the chicken was better than Howard Stern and Beth O's infamous engagement chicken and gave me the eye. We'll see, SFS...we'll see!

Mega Day After Monday Music Post

2007-04-03T12:44:00.000-07:00

Album of the Week Likely Not Album of the Year
The anticipation is over. 555 downloaded the new Kings of Leon album Because of the Times off of iTunes last night at 12:01 AM. Thus far we've given it two full listens, and it's well worth the buy, if not so totally filled with epicocity that we'd want to give away a copy in some lame ass Semper Fi shredoff contest. If you liked Aha Shake Heartbreak, you are going to love it--its one of those albums where you give a listen and say "This is EXACTLY what I was hoping it would sound like." And there's the rub--if you were expecting to be blown away by something excruciatingly and explosively new and fresh, you won't find it here. There are standout tunes throughout (Charmer, My Party, and Ragoo are 555 first mover favorites), and although On Call is definitely single worthy, there's no clear cut anthemic get your rocks off opus like Aha's The Bucket or California Waiting (the latter off of Youth and Young Manhood). We stick to our guns on this one. Heavy rotation to say the least, but just a scintillating splinter width this side of seminal. Four out of five fives -- 55555.

Dare to Thumb Open the Box
If you count yourself among our 13 dedicated readers, doubtless you've heard the 555 refer to custom Internet radio site Pandora. The idea is simple: create a radio station based on an artist or song and Pandora starts playing music similar to your original "seed" music. You thumbs up/thumbs down the music as it is played, and Pandora will further refine your station. This of course, takes some work and dedication to interactivity--you've really gotta work your thumb for awhile before Pandora starts cranking out some decent programming. Another issue is that Pandora, for all of the A.I. involved in its "music genome project" isn't quite that smart. If you thumbs up Metallica's "Seek and Destroy," you are going to get a lot of metal, and a lot of Metallica, which you in turn are going to have to thumbs down to the point where you'll never hear Seek and Destroy again.

Like I said, it takes some work, but Pandora will reward you with some new and unheard tunes. It's great for background at the home or office--you can have an unlimited amount of different stations, and you can pause or skip tunes (skips are limited to 10 an hour). Try my Stoner Rock Recipe and seed your first station with: Black Sabbath, Pretty Things, Mountain, and Queens of the Stone Age. Spark up and enjoy.

Blonde Redhead Turns 23
April 24 sees the 555 heading down to Bimbos for the Blonde Redhead show, which will be hellatious due to a following day flight out to BWI for work. Might have to switch those tickets out with somebody and hit the Monday night show. Anyway, the heads just released 23, their seventh full length album, and from the cover 555 is thinking it might have some legs to it. The review on Amazon.com says "cascading guitars, military rhythms, and wobbly melodies shape opulent, otherworldly songs." 555 says we'll pick it up when Because of the Times says it needs a rotation break. The heads visit the 9:30 club on May 6, and the 555 will see if we can get any of our DC area readers on the guest list via Dixie, but we all know how that shakes out.

Gear in Review
This just in from Black Hand ops central: US Steele will be trying out his new dylithium flux capicitator 9000 pedal tomorrow night at DC9 (see Buddy Shows, below) "It actually does melt fans’ faces but then carefully reconstructs them to continue their normal, everyday use," says Hand frontman Kilbatronix 6000. "And get this…the US-Steele-reconstructed-face is actually better looking than the one you had before! Just click here to see an example of US Steele’s last beta test conducted on me just last night at practice!"

Yahoo! Quick Takes

Couple in Sweden are in court battle to name their daughter Metallica.

Keith Richards says he mixed his father's ashes "with a little bit of blow" and tooted dad up.

Buddy Shows
-- Black Hand play tomorrow night April 4 at DC9 with Junestar and The Country Devils. Junestar opens at 9pm. 1940 9th Street, NW Washington , DC (202) 483-5000
-- Elder Statesmen play April 8th at The Whiskey in Annapolis with Chef Duff's band from "Ace of Cakes" and Tube Dutch.
-- Elder Statesmen play April 13th at Pepper's Tavern in Ocean City, MD 16th street and the boardwalk. "On the fuggin' BOARDS," says ES guitarist and lead vox Pat Wescott. "Hooked up by the one and only Coran D. Brown."
-- Park Police play April 14th at April 14th at The Underground 40th and Spruce, under the Copa. Run to Sandy opens.

New top 5 at 555 to the right. Have a musicaltronic week.

The Weekend in Review

2007-04-02T11:22:00.000-07:00

Cut out of work at 5:10 to meet Summer Clemenson and SFS for a walk down to Paragon Restaurant, where we awaited arrivals for our 25 strong support phalanx to see the Giants take on the As at AT&T Park. We were on our 4th round when we all looked up and noticed that the game was already in the second inning, so we pulled it together and walked across the street to the stadium for 3 innings of freezing pre-season baseball and cold $9 beers. Much depleted of warmth and cash, we left at the beginning of the 6th inning. Final score was 2-2 with no runs after we left. SFS went home, and I hit Club Deluxe for a couple of rounds of Stella and Jamesons with Tiffany and Rick to celebrate Rick's b-day.

Saturday SFS rustled my Jameson's ass out of bed, cleaned me up, and we took the convertible up the coast and then down the Russian River Valley to hit some wineries. Stopped at Ironhorse, DeLoach, and Dutton and loaded up on the reds and also a bottle of late harvest Gewurztraminer. Had dinner at K&L Bistro in Sebastopol -- there was a worm in our tuna tartare and the owner could have cared less. Don't ever go there. Bunch of fucks, I'm not even linking. I had it in my mind to start a new blog on bay area restaurants and trash them and blast email it out to a bunch of food magazines, but I'm over it. Assholes. Really, I'm over it.

Sunday it was chores chores chores, did manage to hit the gym for my governator workout, then toss back a couple of Anchor Steams while watching the Sharks destroy the LA Kings on National television (Jonathan Cheechoo scored his third hat-trick of the season). Then I made Red Curry Thai Shrimp soup (wayyyyy too much curry, burned going in and let me tell you it has been burning this morning coming back out). Cleaned up and watch Babel. I'll give it three out of five fives 55555. Great music. Good movie, but a little long. I got the point and had a great cinematic experience 45 minutes before it had finally dragged out to its obvious conclusion. The naked Japanese girl was a little much. Ditto the little kids stranded in the desert. From subdued to a bit unbelievable.

Catch y'all tomorrow for a 555 MDAM music post.

Its Money, Baby: 24 Hours in Hollywood

2007-03-30T11:59:00.000-07:00

555 Birthday Bros and Brosephinas

2007-03-28T10:37:00.000-07:00

It's coming ... the crusher of all birthday months at the 555. April is right around the corner and brings birthdays for 2 acquaintances, one new friend, three best friends, a niece, a nephew, both mothers, and a couple of co-workers. Things get kicked off this Friday (though technically it's still March) at Slick Rick's (see photo, second from left) "I'm a Big Boy Now" thirty-something bash with an as-yet-to-be-determined event following the Giants/As game. Feel free to send in some suggestions (pony rides was already shot down). And if you are emailing, any ideas for the April Calendar download would be most welcome--SFS says she is not "doing anymore modeling" so my Singing in the Rain concept is out.

Mega Day After Monday Music Post

2007-03-26T15:13:00.000-07:00

ROLLING YOUR STONES

Still getting Rolling Stone in the mail, sometimes it's great, sometimes it sucks. When RS launched the "I'm With Rolling Stone" reality show to find their next writer, you probably figured the shit was headed south. I thought I'd dig the feature articles on Pink Floyd and Watergate mastermind E. Howard Hunt in RS 1023, but I just couldn't get into them. Guess it's about time to ditch the Rolling Stone subscription and pony up for 12 issues of MOJO, but whatever. I probably have more important things to do, like update the 555. To that end, here's the top 5 take-aways from this week's issue of Rolling Stone:

Hot List: Mastodon's Colony of Birchmen video, page 12.
RS says: Fuck Yeah! Bigfoot, some kind of wizard guys and Lost-style black ooze make this a stoner's delight.
555 says: Pretty cool. I was more freaked out by the promo trailer for the Year Zero NineInchNails album, and if you're looking for hard stoner-riff wizardry at work, Goblin Cock has been there, done that. Three out of five fives -- 55555.

Site Specific: podcast review of Punkcast.com, page 72.
RS says: U.K. transplant uploads on-the-fly videos of live shows by mostly New York bands
555 says: Oh Yeah. Oh Hell Yeah. One song live video shots of tons of bands coming through mostly NYC and Brooklyn clubs like Union Hall, Knitting Factory, Southpaw, and CBGB. Clips from Deerhoof, Enon, Yeah Yeah Yeahs, Luna, and the Exploited are highlights, but you can kill some serious hours just checking out the no-namers, too. Explore the unknowns and see if you want to catch the show when they come calling to a town near you. There's even a Mary Prankster clip on there. Five fives -- 55555.

The Rolling Stone Review: Kings of Leon "Because of the Times" review, page 69.
RS says: Anthemic shit kickers and songs inspired by no-good women. Excellent: four stars (out of five).
555 says: Triple nickel's most anticipated album of 2007 hits record shelves April 3, and this is probably the worst review we've seen so far. The single pre-release of "On Call" promises atmospheric beginnings, crunched-up verse riffs with punchy compressed bass, some interesting vocal treatments--dare we say an all around sonic rock masterpiece? We'll hold the final five in check because you just never know these days, but look for KOL to hit the top 5 at 555 in short order next week. Four out of five fives. 55555.

Site Specific: website review of Bedazzled.tv, page 72.
RS says: from classic to quirky, Soul Train to Sexploitation
555 says: Retroswank coolness to the max -- any site with free Beatles video downloads, stripper polaroids, old commercials, and links to 105 pictures of Edie Sedgwick gets four fives from us. Make sure to download the "Because You're Mine" video for some swinging sixties bikini dance moves. Do the swim! Four out of five fives -- 55555.

On the Web: "What About Bob?" blurb on dylanhearsawho.com, page 33.
RS says: This site hosts six songs performed by a spot-on Dylan impersonator while he recites the classic verse of Dr. Seuss.
555 says: The site was shut down by the request of the Seuss trust, suggesting that mass market media exposure is sometimes over exposure. Zero fives -- 55555.

DOWNLOAD OF THE WEEK

Pandora has been throwing CSS onto my modern music channel that's seeded with blonde redhead, strokes, david bowie, ladytron, and a couple of other bands. The single Alala was ridiculously catchy, so I grabbed the whole self-titled album Cansei deser Sexy off of iTunes. Great buy. The 13 tracks steamroll along with garagy guitars, disco and dance beats, Brazilian accented singing, and modestly placed electro-effects. Think the best of Cibo Matto, Enon, Strokes, and Peaches in the blender. I'm either in the mood or not in the mood for lead singer Lovefoxxx's voice, which makes repeat plays within the day problematic, but one run through is adequately satisfying. You can listen to four of the album tracks on CSS's myspace page. Four out of five fives -- 55555.

That's it for this installment -- new top 5 at 555 to the right -- have a musicaltronic week.

Joy Juiced in Upper Market

2007-03-24T10:11:00.000-07:00

Tara--a.k.a. Joy Juice--dropped into town Wednesday and Thursday night we met up with her and her friend Sara at Wish on Folsom in the upper market. We got plenty wasted on some funky ass cocktails -- mine were basically rum martinis with lime, had a couple of Sierras, too. Then everyone wanted to see my moves on the dance floor so we got into a phalanx of taxi cabs and crossed town to North Beach where I made a fool of myself to everyone's chagrin, then taught the bartender how to make a Dangerous Curve. SFS was starving by the time we left, and everything was closed on Haight, so we headed down to Sparky's in the Castro for Texas Burgers with extra pickles. Friday back to North Beach for recovery on a Mediterranean pizza and Peroni at Cafe De Lucchi and then a laydown in Washington Square Park. Back to the Castro Sunday to meet up with Tara et. al. at Lime for $4 all-you-can-drink Mimosa's.

Not My Triple Nickel

2007-03-22T08:45:00.000-07:00

Move over Don McLean. The music died again.

On March 13 I turned my laptop’s dial to 555, hoping to de-code the latest chapter in the West Coast hipster handbook this site had become -- stocked with solid tales of champagne breakfasts, the NHL, music hearsay, gorgeous women and the good life -- lived well I might add, in the Golden State.

On the East Coast, it’s been cold, cold, cold, warm and then cold again with a solid dose of “the snow-blind.” Sometimes I need that clever, 70-degree push that 555 provides through a Left Coast attitude. Good vibrations my friends.

But on March 13, the hipster handbook went Revenge of the Nerds on me.

How were those kids gearing up for St. Patrick’s Day? It’s just days away. Maybe they’ll shed some light about their next fabulous road trip via the Woodster-mobile. Those were my hopes as I tuned in on March 13. Duped!

Instead, I was greeted by an oh-so-weaker-than-weak entry regarding Mario Bros., the 80s in Hackettstown, N.J. and Merit cigarettes. The Mario Bros. was in grave DETAIL. What the…Harsh reality set in.

Damn it! This was not the 555 I had grown to admire.

And then 555 went dark for a week. Perhaps for good cause after posting the Worst Episode of 555 ever.

In words of 555 author CSW, “We jumped the shark.” Uhhhhhh….No! You never even made it too the pool. The water wings were still in the package.

The good news is 555 has returned, including a two-fisted, noir-ish tale about the Maltese Falcon and a smart, modern day heist. Nice. Style. What I like to see.

Duped again? A glance to right and the “Top 5 LPS This Week at 555” section revealed that No. 4 was none other than Styx: The Grand Illusion. Looks more like stinks to me. Wow, I had even won a damn good album from these cats and now they’re going coco loco on me.

We can only hope 555’s best daze are not behind it, we were not tuning into a one-hit wonder.

My bueno amigo, the weekend, is nearly upon us. Lets give 555 that precious oasis in the week to come to grips. Amen.

-- 555 NYC contributor Dr. Andrew Carlo

111: The Shadows of Sam Spade

2007-03-21T09:33:00.000-07:00

111 Sutter isn't just the home of CSW when he's banging out copy for the man. It's also where Dashiell Hammett located the offices of Sam Spade, the tough guy detective in The Maltese Falcon, long considered a seminal work in the detective noir genre. San Fran goes ape shit for all things Maltese. On Valentine's Day, someone stole a replica falcon statue from John's Grill -- there's a standing reward of $25,000 for anyone who locates the bird. There's also a fog-enshrouded treasure hunt across the city with cryptic clues pulled out of Hammett's plot every year. Sometimes when I'm here at 111 late in the evening on deadline, I swear I can see some femme fatale chick putting the story on thick to a Bogey-looking tough guy in the vacant office window two floors up before they vanish into the fog. But maybe that's just the Humboldt.

555 Reboot 2.0

2007-03-20T16:15:00.000-07:00

Please join us tomorrow and the rest of the week for regular posts fit for the traditional 555 audience. We're so sorry we turned into non-blogging assholes with nothing irreverent to say or offer. Ex-New York bureau chief Andy Carlo will rejoin us tomorrow for an unbiased analysis of where it all went wrong, and we'll respond by getting things right. Yeah, the Paul Hickey calendar download was a last grab attempt at trying to stir the loins of our readers. Sorry we didn't offer a nudie shot of him with his foot rash bathing in a pot of gold. Peace to the buddies and a nut-twisting death to the guy that held Wescott up with a rifle. See you tomorrow and the next day and the next day ad infinitum. Soothe yourself with some Black Hand and a cup of herbal tea in the meantime. We promise things are gonna get better. New top 5 albums at 555 to the right.

Super Mario Broahs

2007-03-13T21:47:00.000-07:00

I used to play this game at "Pinball Wizard" on Main St. in Hackettstown, NJ back when I was growing my mullet, smoking Merits, and listening to Master of Puppets. This one and "Arch Rivals," this bad-ass two-on-two basketball game where you could beat the shit out of each other, and also the sit-down Star Wars game. Pinball Wizard had one of the old sit down Monaco GPs, too, and Pinbot and High Speed pinball tables that got the hooks set into me long before "Bad Cats" and the "Addams Family." You can get Mario ROMS of all over the net, but the last time I installed a ROM emulator, my screen display went sideways and it took me a day and a half to fix it. Instead, here's some sweet youtube action of some dudes playing the Super Mario Bros. theme on various instruments, and a link to a 1.9 meg Mario Clone that replaces Mario and the turtles with characters from South Park. Have fun.

The original Super Mario Bros. Japanese dude (or dudette???) on electric guitar.

Super Mario Bros. theme song on classical guitar. This guys facial expressions are a fuckin' riot.

11-string bass guitar take on the theme song. Check out all those fuckin' nerds standing around

If you click on anything, it should be this guy destroying the theme song on his drum kit.

Kenny kills Mario in this decent South Park meets SMB clone for windows platforms.

Feeder.com Posts CSW interview with NHL Broadcasters

2007-03-13T10:00:00.000-07:00

So, not many posts this month as both SFS and CSW are in the midst of changing jobs and no one was writing in for the Semper Fi Shredoff contest anyway! In the meantime, yours truly banged out an interview with NHL broadcasters Dan Rusanowsky and Jamie Baker -- two fellow St. Lawrence University alums who now do all radio (and some TV and arena) broadcasting for the San Jose Sharks. Check out the article here on thefeeder.com. The Sharks host the Chicago Blackhawks tonight at the tank at 7:30 PDT. We'll tune in to that, and maybe start throwing some more posts your way. After St. Patties day things should begin to smooth out and you can look forward to all of the minutiae of 555 that you've come to know and love.

555 March Calendar Download

2007-02-28T09:18:00.000-08:00

The March 2007 Calendar download features everyone's favorite Irish Pub barkeep Paul Hickey looking appropriately Irish. Translate that as you will. Years of toil behind the bar at the Dubliner in Washington D.C. have produced what just might be Hickey's ultimate recipe for an Irish Coffee, included here. Just the right pot of gold to keep everybody warm until we all get to the end of that epic rainbow. Have a great month.

Mega Day After Monday Music Post

2007-02-27T09:01:00.000-08:00

Classic 50's Country comes to San Fran

Saturday sees SFS and CSW headed back down to the Castro, this time for a private reception with the legendary Connie Francis, followed by a concert at the Castro Theater. Anyone who has witnessed SF Sue's honey drippin' kareoke version of "Stupid Cupid" is undoubtedly familiar with Ms. Francis, who scored 16 top ten hits between 1958 and 1962, including three number 1 hits for "Everybody's Somebody's Fool," "My Heart Has a Mind of Its Own" and "Don't Break the Heart That Loves You." CSW's favorite tracks "Lipstick on Your Collar" and "Vacation" got to number 5 and number 4, respectively. Anyway, SF Sue managed to score some VIP tickets through her 50s crooner network that gets us in for a wine and cheese meet and greet with Connie. We also get free Connie Francis beach towels. We'll be sure to post all the hot pics in next week's issue.

555 Free CD Contest Goes Down to the Wire

I wasn't sure if we were going to have to do a recount or not, but by the time all the votes were tallied, Andy Carlo won last week's free CD contest by a landslide. Carlo cast one vote and thus takes iTunes delivery of Camera Obscura's "Let's Get Out of this Country" even as you're reading this. With Carlo's tastes running more towards early Metallica, Van Halen, and Black Sabbath, we're not so sure what he'll make of the Obscura. Who knows, maybe it'll open some musical doors, and for fuck's sake that's what this contest was all about in the first place.

Semper Fi Shred-off and Contest

OK, here's another chance to get in on the sweet contest action. I've spent countless hours on youtube when I should be working my ass off for the man, just to bring you this fine collection of supershred action to the max. Everybody go ahead and vote for your favorite shredmaster by posting a comment or sending me an email, and I'll draw one winner from all the entries who will receive an official United States Marine Corps Semper Fi bumper sticker. Send me a youtube URL of some shred that you deem better, and if I agree, you'll be a Semper Fi instant winner. Some of these start slow, but stick with em, they're all Dobbins Island Semper Fi fuckin' hardcore!

The Candidates:

Zakk Wylde rips it at home on "Black Label Society." Sweet Bullseye Les Paul!

Mick Mars has fingers of freakin' fire at the Moscow Peace Festival!

Mathiass Jabs stings the fans at this 2005 Scorpions show. Like a freakin' hurricane!

No wonder they shot him! Dimebag Darrel solo for "Floods." He fuckin' destroys it!

Super quad neck tap action. Nitro'll put your ass Under the Freight Train!

Slash in his 1992 prime shreds Godfather style. Note Duff in the background!

Paco just might shred them all to shame. I think I heard Jefe play this one note for note. Drunk.

Upcoming Buddy Shows
Sweet rock action coming quick to a venue near you, and we mean really fucking quick:

Elder Statesmen play The Kyber tonight, Feb 27 with Army of Me. Show's at 8:00.

Get Down With Control when the Park Police play the Sidebar in Baltimore on March 13. Show's at 8:00.

"An Evening with the Black Hand” triple set show at Felix Lounge in Adam’s Morgan on Saturday, March 10th.

New top 5 Albums at 555 to the right. Until next week, go get your rock on.

Slow Recovery

2007-02-26T19:44:00.000-08:00

A photographic record of Saturday's $6 all you can drink mimosa brunch with Summer Clemenson at Lime.

Films on Friday

2007-02-23T08:46:00.000-08:00

While all of the usual music suspects have been AWOL lately, 555 has been getting quite a lot of news tips, plugs, and assorted submissions from some quality independent filmmakers. OK, so we got two, but these guys are both turbo-talent, white-hot lens masters that are going to melt your popcorn butter and keep you on the bleeding edge of your $10.75 stadium seat. First, the corporate confection that the 555 is burning some unused movie passes on super fucking quick:

Machine Gun-Legged Rose McGowan Fronts Tarantino/Rodriguez Ultraviolence
Time to take your copies of Sin City and From Dusk Till Dawn off the top shelf to make room for Grindhouse. In what promises to be a tour-de-force magnum opus of explosions and sexploitation, Grindhouse combines two feature-length movies directed by Quentin Tarantino and Robert Rodriguez into one zombie-infected, blood-splashing double bill. McGowan plays the autoload-appendaged Cherry battling the undead in Tarantino's "Planet Terror" segment while Kurt Russell undoubtedly channels Snake Plisskin as a stuntman killing models with his car in Rodriguez's "Death Proof." Grindhouse costars Nick Cage, Josh Brolin, Rosario Dawson, and Tino/Riguez veteran Danny Trejo and opens in theaters April 6. The official website has a ton of killer features and downloads including wallpaper and teaser and full-length trailers.

Unsolved Bay Area Zodiac Murders to Get the Gyllenhaal Treatment
If there's one 2007 multiplex release that I'm looking forward to more than Grindhouse, it's this period thriller set in the San Fran Seventies, when a hooded madman was popping bullets into bay area innocents and taunting the cops and the San Fran Chronicle with cryptographic and down right creepy looking letters. Zodiac pulls out all the star stops with Jake Gyllenhaal, Robert Downey Jr., Adam Goldberg, and Mark Ruffalo all looking appropriately like they fell out of Alan Pakula's All the President's Men. David Fincher directs here, and with Fight Club and Se7en as part of his pedigree, we've got high hopes for an atmospheric chillfest. Zodiac costars Anthony Edwards, Brian Cox, and Chloe Sevigny, and opens to theaters nationwide on March 2.

Recyclergy Plays DC Indy FilmFest
Also getting a March 2 screening is Jeremy Kaller's The Recyclergy, so make it a point all you Mid-Atlantic 555 readers to head out to the Washington D.C. Independent Film Festival before you even think about checking out Zodiac (you can always get that shit on Netflix later). With the modest tagline "33 minutes of garbage," Recyclergy chronicles the Bay Area recycling movement from Earth Day 1970 to the present, and has a primo 8:55 P.M. screening on opening night. This baby is worth it just for the clip of the Hulkster sorting glass bottles--by color--at what looks like three thousand bottles per second. Recyclergy was an official selection at the Plymouth Independent Film Festival, the Napa Sonoma Wine Country Film Festival, and the Oakland International Film Festival, so big things are happening with this "little" film. Kaller tells the 555 he's making the trip out to D.C. himself, so chat him up when you hit the show.

Dire Wit Films "Isle of the Damned" Trailer

If you're into Zombies and things 'Tino/'Riguez, you've got to check out the new trailer for "Isle of the Damned," featuring lost footage from Mario Brava contemporary and 70s Italian horror master Antonello Giallo. The crack editing team at Dire Wit Films managed to assemble this into a feature-length piece, and the new trailer is being entered--555 says appropriately so--into Robert Rodriquez's Grindhouse competition. "The winner gets a screening by the man himself at South by Southwest," Dire Wit director-in-residence Mark Colegrove tells the 555, "so please watch the trailer and rate it." You've got 5 stars from us already, Mark. Also, be sure to visit the Dire Wit website, newly affiliated link-up style with the 555. The shorts page, in particular, has some awesome clips. Ask and maybe Colegrove will share SF Sue's "Behind Your Music" footage with you, if you're lucky.

DeGeneres Hosts Oscar Sunday -- We Might Watch

I've got to take the Oscars a step up from the Grammys. All self-serving corporate backslapping and grossly promotional to be sure, but Oscar has managed to hold onto at least some authenticity and respect over the years. Ellen DeGeneres hosts again, and whether you like her or not her opening bit last year was pretty fucking funny. Check out the official website for video clips, assorted hollywood glitzy crap, and a PDF ballot you can print out to follow along with at home. Here's the 555 take on seven major categories:

Best Picture - The Queen Director - Martin Scorsese, The Departed Actor in a Leading Role - Forest Whitaker, The Last King of Scotland Actress in a Leading Role - Helen Mirren, The Queen Actor in a Supporting Role - Mark Wahlberg, The Departed Actress in a Supporting Role - Cate Blanchett, Notes on a Scandal Costume Design -Marie Antoinette

That's it for this episode. 555 aims to take Films on Friday monthly, appearing the last Friday of each month, unless popularity and motivation demands otherwise. Until next time, see you at the movies!

Wine Snobs

2007-02-23T08:44:00.001-08:00

There wasn't much left to do this past Monday but head on up the 101 to Sonoma and spend the day drinking some free wine. To the left is our transport of choice: the 1981 Fiat 2000 Pininfarina. A little bit of SPF, some Lou Reed on the CD player, and endless California backroads filled with wineries. It was surprisingly empty up north and we chatted up the tasting room staffs who ended up giving up some secret pours of reserve wines. We stopped here at Belvedere and Shawn let us taste 8 wines, despite the fact that there was a big sign asking patrons to limit their sampling to four, so we made sure we bought a bottle of Bradford Mountain Cabernet before splitting. Before that it was Arista--no relation to the record company--where we tasted four wines and picked up the silky and luscious Russian River Valley Pinot Noir. Finally, we stopped off at Clos Du Bois because we drink their Sauvignon Blanc pretty much every fucking night. Barbara let us taste a couple extra reserves and told us how she grew up drinking Ripple and Thunderbird and didn't even like red wine until she was much older. We grabbed a bottle of their Calcaire Chardonnay and then I took Susan to a late lunch in Healdsburg followed by a latte and some antiquing. Anyway, Sonoma's got it all over Napa if you ask us here at the 555, and we're gonna be building up a whole catalog of places to go and swill vino, eat, or spend the weekend so let us know if you're ever heading up that way and want some recommendations.

You Heard It Here First...

2007-02-22T14:02:00.000-08:00

Rollingstone.com is reporting that the much-hyped Van Halen reunion tour has already been cancelled. Surprise, surprise, surprise. I saw some diehards on the message boards talking about how it's all a coverup--that there are backroom negotiations going on the get Michael Anthony back into the lineup. That's funnier than a Grandaddy Gar Joke. Other 80s hairband news on RS.com says the Guns-n-Roses release of Chinese Democracy has been postponed yet again. Sometimes it takes a long time to figure out that your best material is behind you and no matter how you tweak the levels, the music just sucks. I know I still haven't grasped it yet. On a related music note, 555 has received a total of ZERO votes for the next album to be purchased (see MDADAM post below, last entry). That puts good odds on a free CD for anyone that gives a rats ass to send in an email or hit the comment board. I know we've been lax on the posts, but c'mon people! Free Music!

Mega Day After Day After Monday Music Post

2007-02-21T11:59:00.000-08:00

Kilbatronix Looks to Build Successtival Support
With most of 555's readers chipping out of ice storms or dealing with the cold February rain in the Bay Area, and planning for the warm summer sweetness of Exisitan Fest seemingly months away, Kilbatronix extended an open invitation last Tuesday for one and all to join he and Colin at the 2007 Bonnaroo Music and Arts Festival June 14-17 in Manchester, Tennessee. "It starts on the last day of school, so I now know that it is my time," Kilbatronix says via email. "I’m beginning to sew a sweet sepa sack for the occasion." The initial lineup includes MDAM post regulars like the Police, Kings of Leon, the Flaming Lips, and Wolfmother along with some 75 other bands. The White Stripes, Franz Ferdinand, Galactic, Ziggy Marley, and Hot Tuna will all be there, as will Clutch--the band that stole organist Mick Schauer away from Jook and necessitated the spin-off formation of Park Police. The official line is that there were no hard feelings from Jook guitarist Pat Wescott when Mick jumped into stoner rock stardom, but Wescott reports he won't be making the scene at Bonnaroo. "I don't do festivals," he tells 555. Regardless of the who's who that Kilbatronix finally assembles as his team of "Bonnarooooooo Broooaahhhhhss," expect an arm-breakin', shoe gazin', chemical hazin' time down in the Volunteer State. Stay tuned for more trip specifics as they develop, or contact 'tronix at theband@blackhandonline.com Photo Credit to bonnaroo.com.

QWAY Pens New Tunes, Prepares for Summer Tour
As long as Existian Fest is top of mind, it's worth a mention that QWAY has been getting some material gathered for a follow-up LP to Have A Nice Day. The oft-feuding diesel duo of shred masters and riff rockers have had little exposure since two well-intended but somewhat abortive appearances at Existian in 2006 and 2005, so anticipation is high for a well practiced production. In addition to new material, QWAY has leaked to the 555 that all 2007 shows will feature a climactic guitar solo battle akin to what Nevermore axemen Chris Broderick & Jeff Loomis dished to an audience at Jaxx Nightclub in Springfield, Va. last year. "That's kind of a simplistic version of the leads we'll be playing," says QWAY rhythm guitarist Chris Wood, "but the hair will pretty much look like that." Photo credit to Mel Wescott.

Van Halen NOT to Feature Original Lineup
555 New York Bureau Chief Andy Carlo reports this update to the Van Halen Reunion Tour post, which quoted Eddie Van Halen on how psyched he was to "get back" to the core of what made Van Halen. Apparently that includes his 15-year old son Wolfgang on bass in place of Michael Anthony. Since the "most iconic hits" of VH that are promised to be on the set list all featured repeating root note bass lines, Wolfy won't have much of a showcase for his reportedly insane talent. "He's supposed to be really good," Carlo says. "Plus he smokes." 555 can't wait for Eddie to kick his own son out of the band. You just wait. Photo credit to Andy Carlo.

Zombies Mini Reunion
If you can't throw down the cash for a trip to Bonnaroo, you might want to check out the Zombies, who will play a limited five-city West Coast tour next month. Dates are scheduled in both Healdsburg and San Fran, where the tour will make a heralded stop at the Fillmore. Rod Argent and Colin Blunstone will both be a part of these shows, playing classics like "She's Not There," "Tell Her No," and "Time of the Season." The oft-underrated Zombies lived in the shadow of the Kinks and the Stones, but they put out plenty of solid hits. Check out The Zombies: The Singles As and Bs for a great two disc set of both classics and deep cuts. If you go to one of the shows, let the 555 know and we'll head out with you.

Top 5 LPS at 555 in Flux and Column Contest
This week we feature a new list of LPs for the 555. Instead of albums in rotation, we're listing the next 5 albums that we're considering purchasing. In order (of appearance, not purchasing preference), they are The Flower Book by Emilie Simon, Modern Times by Bob Dylan, The Best of Motorhead by Motorhead, Let's Get Out of this Country by Camera Obscura, and Over the Years and Through the Woods by Queens of the Stone Age. We'll buy whichever album gets the most votes from 555 readers, and if you contribute a column post to the 555 between now and the next MDAM music post, we'll count your vote as--what else--5 votes and throw in a free copy of the album for you, as well.

Have a musiclambidocious week.

Please Standby...

2007-02-20T17:13:00.000-08:00

The 555 is feeling the heat with readers bitching about delays in postings, but never fear. Things are clearing out, so look forward to a jam-packed week of Mega Music posts, a new twist to top 5 albums at 555, new regular coverage of up and coming sweet indie filmmakers, as well as backdates of our adventures over the long Presidents Day Weekend. Click on over tomorrow for the latest and greatest. Thanks for your patience, we hope we're not losing you to doanecole.com and 68 Pound Lobster, although we recommend them a little more than half-heartedly.

Saturday in Pictures

2007-02-17T21:18:00.000-08:00

On a Dark Desert Highway...

2007-02-17T09:53:00.000-08:00

Mission Tour Stop Two today in San Rafael then to the Lagunitas Brew Pub for lunch. Full-house on this one with UB in tow. It's supposed to be high seventies and sunshiney clear all day up in Marin. Gotta love putting the SPF 15 on during February, pulling the convertible top back, and checking out anytime you like but never leaving. Saturday in Pics later on this evening.

Forsberg Traded to Preds

2007-02-16T00:05:00.000-08:00

All the rumors said Peter Forsberg was bound for Anaheim or Detroit, and here he is winding up in Nashville. Check out the ink on this one--it sounds like kind of a sour, nobody is really happy kind of deal. Sure, the Flyers come out great with some prospects, but there's a significant lack of "this is a great deal, this is where we want to be" fervor coming from anyone in this trade. Even Nashville GM David Poile seems more concerned with the upshot business side as opposed to what Peter can bring to his team -- clearly questions abound about the Swede's svelt little foot. A bad trade all around, says the 555. Look for Nashville to bow out in the first round of the playoffs, and then gone, gone, gone, is Mister Forsberg. Back to the Avs we suspect. Coulda been a great 2nd line center between Jonathan Cheechoo and Milan Michalek here in Sharks Territory, but 555 says Forsberg will be swinging the nine irons come June.

Viva La Anchor Steam Brah

2007-02-15T22:29:00.000-08:00

The best thing about working for Anchor Steam is that 4 hours into your shift you can start drinking. There's no limit to how much you can drink, just help yourself. There's a keg in the break room. Strangely though, everyone at Anchor Steam -- until about 2:30 -- was drinking water or coffee. Regardless, this is a great tour, especially with our guide Dan, guy was the shit--chops and all. The tour covers all three stories of the Anchor Steam Brewery -- 85,000 barrels a year come out of this joint, every Anchor Steam you ever drank in all 50 states and 9 other countries. They brew the normal steam beer on Monday, Tuesday, Thursday, and Friday and brew the all the other varietals on Wednesdays. In all, 4,000 cases a day and each employee gets one free case of beer a week, plus all the beer they want during a shift after the four hour mark. Labels go on the bottles at 300 units per minute. Beer is flash pasteurized from 32 degrees to 158 degrees back to 32 degrees in 20 seconds. On this tour, we finished with a tasting of 6 separate brews. If you ever come to San Fran and visit me, we're doing this tour. Check the pics below.

Road Warrior Tags

2007-02-15T22:24:00.000-08:00

Serious Accident

2007-02-15T09:33:00.000-08:00

Unless you've got tortoise-mouth and can chew on glass, there's nothing to do in a situation like this except mourn the dearly departed by blowing off the rest of the day and heading out to the Anchor Steam Brewery here in San Fran for a 45-minute tour and a trip to the tasting room where you get 5-6 10 ounce glasses of Anchor's latest and greatest brews for free. Just need to finish this pot of coffee, grab a lite bite for lunch, and head over to Potrero Hill. More later if I can still type. Photo credit to Uncle Bob, who arrives in town this morning for a 4-day tour of duty.

Grandaddy Gar

2007-02-14T16:41:00.000-08:00

"Heard this one at the bar..."

A young man starts a new job at the local adult book store. The owner has to go out for a bit and tells the young man, if you can't find a price on something, just make one up.

So a white chick comes in and asks "how much for the white dildo?" he says "10 bucks" and she takes it.

A black chick comes in and asks " how much for the black dildo?" he says "20 bucks" and she takes it.

A biker chick comes in and asks "how much for the plaid dildo?" he says "30 bucks" and she takes it.

Finally, the boss comes back and asks what happened while he was out and the young man replies, "I sold a white dildo to a white chick for $10, a black dildo to a black chick for $20 and a biker chick bought my thermos for $30."

Happy Hearts Day

2007-02-14T09:49:00.000-08:00

555 wishes all of our devout readers a great Valentine's Day. Here's hoping all three of you get your chocolates and romance and all that stuff. Here's a shot of SF Sue down on Market Street (note absence of Chris Issak) this morning as we hit the saltmines to make the sweet sweet cash to pay for all of our big ticket romantic dreams.

Mega Day After Monday Music Post

2007-02-12T20:56:00.000-08:00

Alright, two weeks off and where to start? Things are pretty slow with all of my buddy's bands this week so I'm gonna throw together a sonic smorgasbord pointing you to downloads, podcasts, and 555's take on everything audiotastic:

Garagegantuan Source of Rough Rockers
I've been holding off on a plug to GaragePunk.com for awhile because there's been just too much truly iconoclastic indy rock to cover, but after the debut of Lord Muck's Nasty Grind podcast last week I figured it was time to plug away. GaragePunk is like Little Steven on roids, and I like the DJ rotation that keeps the content fresh and focused--podcasts run from 20 to 90 minutes and can be full on retard punk, Girls in the Garage, 50's riff and twang, tweaky trash, or fuzzy psychedelia. I've been using iTunes to manage all of the casts, downloading the shit while I'm working, but I might switch to hitting the main web site--tons of links to music blogs and other cool shit like the Funtastic Dracula Carnival in Valencia. You can even submit your own casts, and best of all the shit is free and sans commerical, unless you count some of the retro clips that some of the DJs slip into their shows. Anyway, check out Nasty Grind for starters--London-based Lord Muck has a great on-air voice. I also dig the Hot Slop and One Cup of Coffee and a Cigarette casts, but truthfully it's all good stuff and I guarantee you'll discover some new old rocking music.

Got Grammys?
555 already weighed in on how well the Dixie Chicks characterize the value and worth of the Grammys, and the annual recording industry group handjob didn't let us down--the Chicks pulled in 5 golden gramophones including album of the year, record of the year, and song of the year. 555 wonders what the difference is between album of the year and record of the year but Grandaddy Gar says we've already given too much ink to a bunch of flag burning dyke commies that are fugly to boot. Fair enough. Despite our disdain for virtually all things Grammy, its still got to be pretty fucking cool to have one sitting somewhere totally obvious in your house. It is a certain sign of achievement, and to that we gotta toast Slayer, Wolfmother, the Flaming Lips, and the great Bob Dylan for their respective pulls in the best metal performance, best hard rock performance, best rock instrumental, and best solo rock performance categories. It's gotta be super rewarding to be recognized alongside Christina Aguilera and the Black Eyed Peas.

Call the Police!
And tell them to work in a couple more practice sessions. In giving a lukewarm reception to the Police Reunion that opened up the Grammys, I'm going to be totally unoriginal and lineup with the naysayers that say Stu and Andy looked old, Sting had a couple vein busters and flat high notes, and they could have picked a better song than Roxanne. But shit man, it's been 30 years, and anyone who has seen a QWAY performance a mere 30 minutes after practice knows that it takes more than just a couple of bong blasting run-thrus to get your gig down. So I guess I'll also be totally unoriginal and lineup to buy my tickets pending info released at the official reunion and tour website. There's even a Police Music Player for you on there. Joy.

Gimme Back My Mojo
While we're on the subject of music players, I took a stroll over to MOJO magazine's website today after thumbing thru a hardcopy of the current The Beatles: Acid + Genius = Pepper issue on newsstands now. They've got a music player as well, and "Drive" by the Cars was playing, which just happens to be on the last LP I bought at Amoeba and now in rotation as thee 555. Not to shabby I thought, but the player is for UK domain listeners only--the pomposity! Still, MOJO's pretty hard to beat for unique photography and in-depth interviews--the Pepper feature has two frameable full page pull outs alone and is about 15 pages deep. There's also some quality ink on the new Kings of Leon album "Because of the Times" recorded in Nashville and in L.A. at Sunset Studios, two pages on the new Nico 68-70 double-disc, and an anticipation-building advert for MOJOs special Bowie issue coming out next. Oh, there's also a worthless CD of Pepper covers poly-bagged with the magazine, all in all an easy $9.50 to throw down. These MOJOs sit around for ever and perennially pass the multiple read litmus test.

Ozzfest to Go Gratis
Whilst on MOJO UK, I noticed their top story was "breaking" news that the Ozzfest cometh, and it cometh this year for free. Billboard had this piece last week with Sharon mouthpiecing that they all want the kids to come out and expereience something incredible for free. The tour will make a stop in SF, and 555 is hoping "something incredible" translates to a couple mouthfuls of batmeat, the original Sabbath lineup playing No. 3 and Master of Reality in their entireties, and KISS reuniting to play the bill. Unfortunately, 555 bets more conservatively on the reality that free concert means industry sponsors means Kelly Osbourne duets with daddy means a "Mamma I'm Coming Home" encore with a slide show of the OZ clan on stadium screens featuring directions to the kiosks hawking The Osbournes: The Complete Second Season on DVD.

File Under Forget It
No way Sting is stealing the show from Eddie Van Halen, who said Feb. 2 via the band's website that he's "very excited to get back to the core of what made Van Halen" in announcing a summer tour fronted by David Lee Roth. Too bad the core of what made Van Halen was Eddie getting wasted and firing his frontmen. There's no dates listed yet. 555s prediction says Sumner et. al. at least make it on stage a couple more times, and an on-air argument on the Howard Stern Show between Roth, Eddie, and a soused Sammy Hagar calling in from Cabo keeps VH fans in the garage smoking doobers and listening to Women and Children First with the headphones on this July.

Stevie Nicks Sighting
Last week's Holiday in Orlando paid off for SF Sue. While Chris was boozing with buddies at the Peabody Hotel Bar, SFS followed the sounds of semi-rock tinged 70s adult contemporary to one of the hotel's conference room, where Stevie Nicks was giving a private concert. With her usual "I belong here" demeanor not unknown to the likes of Paul Hickey, SFS just crashed the show, walked up to the stage, and snapped a few quick ones of Stevie, who appears to have tightened up a little in the weight and looks department. The encounter was more "its a sign" fodder for SFS: Nicks goes on tour with Chris Issak beginning in May to support the March 27 release of her Best Of Collection.

Download Lovemakers
Finally, take a spin on over to the Lovemakers AV page with some cool photos, streaming audio of four singles, and a QuickTime video for "Shake that Ass." Lovemakers have a devout SF following and do right what Shiny Toy Guns does wrong. Think Scissor Sisters crossed with Lords of Acid.

New top 5 LPS at 555 to the right. Have a musicalatious week.

555 Baby Animal Corner

2007-02-12T10:30:00.000-08:00

Back from Florida

2007-02-12T10:23:00.000-08:00

Sorry Kids, but the 555 ended up with zero time last week during the Builders Show in Orlando for postings, followed by a much needed tech free vacation in Rockledge and Melbourne with the Boamans. As you can see from the pics, Central Florida had yours truly reverting to good ol' Glen Burnie goodness. Anyway, we've got a ton of stuff to sort through and get posted this week, including some film submissions from Jeremy Kaller, some Grandaddy Gar jokes, and hopefully a new post from Kilbatronix 6.0. It's been duly noted that top 5 albums at 555 is in desperate need of update, so we'll have some new stuff to the right in a jiff, as well. Look for that with the Mega Day After Monday Music post tomorrow (photo credit: Robin Doane).

Please Standby ...

2007-02-06T21:20:00.000-08:00

555 is in transit. Look for more updates later this week, including a delayed Mega Day After Monday Music Post, and some on location footage from the Sunshine State. Weird trade show shots, Andy Carlo, and infinity pools to come.

Blood in the Water

2007-02-05T14:53:00.000-08:00

Just a smattering of NHL tonight as the Detroit Red Wings visit the New York Rangers in the lone Monday matchup. The Sharks are back in action tomorrow night at the Tank to begin a home and home series with Ducks. Currently trailing Anaheim by a mere 3 points in the Pacific Division, San Jose has the opportunity to make a HUGE statement this week, ripping into their divisional adversary to take over first place and set the appropriate tone for the playoffs.

All Hail The Queen

2007-02-04T16:38:00.000-08:00

The Queen Mary 2 steamed into San Francisco Bay this afternoon. We went out to Lands End to check it out after having lunch at Seal Rock Inn. There were hundreds of people all over, tons of boats out on the water, all the news choppers, even the Sausalito Seaplane, so it was a pretty fuckin regal welcome. I've got some video, too, if anybody wants to see it just email me. The Queen is in the middle of an around-the-world voyage. 2,638 passengers, 150 tons of food. Cheapest overnite stateroom is $2,600. Most expensive stateroom for the entire 81 days of the world voyage: $125 thousand--sorry Susan. Next stop is Honolulu en route to Austrailia. I think this thing barely fits under the Golden Gate Bridge!

555 Fearless Superbowl Prediction

2007-02-04T11:17:00.000-08:00

Saturday in Pictures (On Sunday)

2007-02-04T09:55:00.000-08:00

Post Lite

2007-02-02T16:33:00.000-08:00

As promised, a lite post with a shreadout to the inspiration for 555. It's doanecole.com, finally back on-line and with photomath showing the possibilities of a SFS CSW offspring attempt. There's more of these lying around, and none of them are pretty. Hence they are all fucking funny as hell. You gotta click over to the Blah Blah Blog to see it. Take special note of the old school spiky haircut. Damn, dohs-wur-duh-days, hon.

And while were giving shreadouts, check out 68 Pound Lobster, Joe Bousquin's musings on life in New Zealand and his ah-musings on the alleged world records held by his family in the New England shellfish and crustacean harvesting books of lore.

Phil Says Early Spring

2007-02-02T10:17:00.000-08:00

Okay, campers, rise and shine, and don't forget your booties 'cause it's cooooold out there today. And you know, you can expect hazardous travel later today with that, you know, that, uh, that blizzard thing. That blizzard - thing. That blizzard - thing. Oh, well, here's the report! The National Weather Service is calling for a "big blizzard thing!"Yessss, they are. But you know, there's another reason why today is especially exciting. Thats right, woodchuck-chuckers - it's GROUNDHOG DAY!

For the first time in eight years, Puxatawny Phil was sans shadow up at Gobblers Knob, and y'all know what that means: early Spring for one and all. So you better use these last dwindling days and nights of winter to cue up what could very well be the hilarioustest movie ever made. Yea, nary a more perfect examination of life's existential crises combined with the contradictory beauty and futility of the power of love and mystical rodents exists. If someone can make me not just bear but actually enjoy anything that includes Andie MacDowell, you know the shit has got to be shredsational. 555 will be having a special DateNite screening this evening, and suggests all readers do the same, in unison, at 8:00 Pacific 11:00 Eastern.

Maybe some more light posts later in the day, but until then, in the immortal and sagacious words of Phil Conners: Winter, slumbering in the open air, wears on its smiling face a dream - of spring.

Ciao.

Kilbatronix 6.0

2007-02-01T21:49:00.000-08:00

As performed on the Freewheelin' album, recorded on April 24, 1963:

Well, now time passed and now it seems

Everybody's havin' them dreams.

Everybody sees hisself walkin' around with no one else.

Half the people can be part right all of the time, an'

Some of the people can be all right part of the time,

But all the people can't be all right all of the time.

I think Abraham Lincoln said that.

"I'll let you be in my dream if I can be in yours."

I said that.

Un Puzzle de la France - Avec un Prix!

2007-01-31T13:44:00.000-08:00

This just in from 555's Paris correspondent Martin Laurent: "I send you a picture and some lines drawn from a play (or an opera) whose name you must find:

Come away, fellow sailors, come away,
Your anchors be weighing,
Time and tide will admit no delaying
Take a bouzy short leave of your nymph on the shore,
And silence their mourning
With wows of returning,
But never intending to visit them more!"

Now, the first of readers to get the answer will be greatly rewarded.
I kiss you -- Laurent

SFS Calendar Download!

2007-01-31T10:20:00.000-08:00

You talked, and 555 listened. More SF Sue right here for immediate free download. February features SFS as her alter-ego "Sukulele," now on tour in Dreamland opening up for Chris Isaak & Silvertone. Perfect for printing out and hanging on the fridge, at your desk, or in the garage next to your tool bench.

SF Sue Joke of the Day

2007-01-30T16:22:00.000-08:00

Grandaddy Gar has been on the road down at the Easyriders V-Twin Bike Show in Charlotte, NC. Standing in this week for Gar is your very own SF Sue, who's no stranger to bikers herself. SF Sue developed her patented "throat clutch" ultimate fighting move when she took orders at "The Sunset," a well-known speed-freak crank-case ape-hanger bar next to George's Pizzeria in Dover, Delaware. Without further adieu, here's SFS's joke of the day:

FINALLY, THE BLONDE JOKE TO END ALL BLONDE JOKES!

A blonde woman was speeding down the road in her little red sports car and was pulled over by a woman police officer who was also a blonde.

The blonde cop asked to see the blonde's driver's license. She dug through her purse and was getting progressively more agitated. "What does it look like?" she finally asked. The policewoman replied, "Its square and it has your picture on it."

The driver finally found a square mirror, looked at it and handed it to the policewoman. "Here it is," she said. The blonde officer looked at the mirror, then handed it back saying, "Okay, you can go. I didn't realize you were a cop."

Mega Day After Monday Music Post

2007-01-30T13:26:00.000-08:00

I think I heard it from Wescott first that the Police were getting back together, but that rumor has been so off and on depending on what Sting and Copeland were feeling like on any given day in the past 20 years that's its impossible to pinpoint. Granted, Wescott broke the "news" to 555 about two weeks ago. My response: this should all last about one gig or one week until Sting tells Copeland that his songs and musicianship suck. Or vice-versa, Wescott countered. We'll get to see which direction things pan out at the 2007 Grammy Awards. The Grammys--as everyone knows--is the ultimate annual statement on what is super hot and cutting-edge in the music industry. That's why "Not Ready To Make Nice" by the Dixie Chicks is up for Album of the Year. I think Janet Jackson is supposed to be there, too.

Regardless, the Police will officially reunite to play the show, which is worth a watch, or at least a Tivo if you've got that. While I'd love for Sting et al to keep it together for a late 2007 arena tour so I can pay $532 for an upper bowl seat and put Andy Summers' kids through college, I think an onstage fist fight between Gordon and Stew would please me even more.

Speaking of Wescott, there's more Elder Statesmen news breaking this week on 555. Everybody's favorite turtlenecked trio has been asked to play the Lit Lounge in NYC. The Lit, Wescott tells 555 via IM "was the strokes and yeah yeah yeahs hang out before they made it big." Say hi to Karen O for us Pat. Anyplace that hosts a Devo Party is good in our book. Although an early February show fell through, the Lit asked ES to get back to them for a possible March date. All 555 readers are encouraged to call Lit and petition them directly for an immediate ES gig.

Jumping back into the studio this month (well, in February) is Gravy Train!!! -- a band that any Dingleberry Dynasty member, ex-member, fan, or ex-fan owes it to themselves to check out. The Train has six songs wrapped and is finishing up a couple more for an as-yet-untitled album due for a July release. Seth "Hunx" Bogart tells 555 that a tour will follow the CD release, and some limited edition vinyl could be in the works as well. 555 expects Hunx to be equally adept with the glam rock licks on this album as he is with the styling shears. Thanks for the rad cut, Seth (555 Board of Decency deemed this week's before and after haircut shots too homoerotic for publication).

Finally, Marge Cole tipped us off that The Blasters will visit Fog Town on February 15 for a gig at the Red Devil Lounge. Marge says these guys tear the shit off the roof, so I might be obliged to check out this show, even more so because while I'm there I can pick up my tickets for VH1 Presents: Colin Hay. Fuckin be good be good. Hope he doesn't bust a vein.

New top 5 LPs at 555 to the right. Have a musictastical week.

Red-Hot, Melt-Your-Ice NHL Journalism

2007-01-29T11:11:00.000-08:00

Much thanks to Mike at thefeeder.com for publishing 555's take on the three keys for the San Jose Sharks as the playoffs approach. Yours truly followed up on that trial version with a great trip down to Kezar Pub last night (well, as great as a trip down to Kezar Pub can be) to watch the Sharks take on the Vancouver Canucks up North in leaf-land .

Check out thefeeder.com in the coming days for that feature story, and for most of the rest of my stick-polishing, hit-the-pipe hockey hack work moving forward. 555's gotta start making room for more of the mind-bending, dose-a-tronic posts that y'all are starting to know and love.

To that end, look for posts later today on such great topics as "Haircuts: Before and After" and "Hooky: When and How to Play It."

Not So Lazy Sunday

2007-01-28T11:28:00.000-08:00

Hit the gym first thing and burned off 342 calories on the stairmaster. Got the whole bank of washing machines downstairs humming right now, Susan is cleaning out her closet, and still gotta take the convertible down to Safeway by the beach and get food for the week. In between the NHL is on NBC today at 12:30 PT 3:30 ET. Sharks face off against Vancouver at 7:00 PT, and all intents are to hit Kezar for a feeder.com on the scene feature profile.

Saturday in Pictures

2007-01-27T18:03:00.000-08:00

Kilbatronix 6.0

2007-01-27T00:44:00.000-08:00

The Hendrix energy drink has unsettled me to the core of the Kibatronixessential code.

What terrible mismanagement of the legacy of the shreddingangel...what a travesty to the authoritative third stone thrower of pureessential being. Moreover, Black Hand is currently test-marketing their own Epicosity drink called Black Hand Job...an alchemic treasure trove of a drink anchored with Jamesons, ensconced with 1 part Evil, and layered with an effervescent migonette of mint lightly mulled with the blood of a unicorn. Product roll-out begins at Existian Fest 2007, currently slated for mid-July in Golden Gate Park. The tagline is..."dude, it totally enables you to play Battle of Evermore...sweetly." God speed, dear friend.

Living in the Future: A Joe Bousquin Date Nite Disturbance

2007-01-26T21:16:00.000-08:00

Let's be fair to Joe. He's living in the future. You could say that his girlfriend Jess is also living in the future, if you were just going by the fact that they are both on the first shift of eternal summer, their six months wintering in New Zealand and BBQing, sloshing beers and hiking and kayaking until April/May when the rains have cleared out of NorCal and they fly back for a summer away from the New Zealand winter BBQing, sloshing beers and hiking and kayaking. It's tomorrow where they are, but Joe ... Joe's always been living in the future.

Joe called tonight during DateNite. He called on the house phone and left a message about martinis. Then he called on the cell phone and left a message there. Joe called on DateNite last week, too. OK, it wasn't last week it was the week before but I was sick last week and we didn't have DateNite. Let's just say he called last DateNite. He did.

Even with roasted chicken with baby new potatoes and green beans mid-fork, we almost picked up on this one. But there's no talking to Joe on the phone for a minute. A minute isn't nearly enough for even the opening monologue. In that way he's much like Jefe, and that figures because they both have the same birthday. Nope, Joe gets in with that Herndon drawl and that "I've had 4 beers so far tonight" exuberance in his voice and you know you're in for the long haul. Trust me. Been there. Buckle up, because you are in for a humorously excruciating ride.

Every time I call Joe I crack some great joke about what the weather is going to be like tomorrow. I think that's funny as shit. It's like the tall person joke, except toooootally more cerebral. Well I'm about to ring ya bitch, and I gotta joke that's gonna be reaaaaaaaal fuckin' funny.

Sharks are Back, Saturday's Coming

2007-01-26T16:01:00.000-08:00

Well, the NHL All-Star break is finally over, and the San Jose Sharks visit Edmonton tonight to face off against the team that knocked them out of the Stanley Cup playoffs last year.

I didn't watch the All-Star game, which is a traditional borefest. Of the 3 Sharks at the game, Patrick Marleau scored a goal, Jonathan "Get on the" Cheechoo train had an assist, while Joe "still trying to earn my paycheck this year" Thorton was held without a point.

With 34 games remaining in the 2006-2007 season, the Sharks currently sit 5th in the Western Conference just behind Detroit and trail Pacific Division-leading Anaheim by a mere 4 points with two games in hand. Barring a total collapse, the Sharks will be playoff bound this April with a real shot at the cup. First place in the division and the conference are both within San Jose's grasp.

Keys for the second half of the season are blatantly obvious:

1) Continued solid play from the goaltender tandem of Evgeni Nabakov and Vesa Toskala. While rumors have been swirling since day one of the season that coach Ron Wilson will eventually settle on a number one net-minder, I see Ronny pushing the success of this particular platoon deep into the playoffs. At 110, the Sharks have the lowest GA in the league. When you can top Marty Brodeur and the New Jersey devils in between-the-pipes protection, you're onto something. If a trade happens, expect it to be a blockbuster, but 555 says the radical rotation continues for the Sharks.

2) The reemergence of RW Jonathan Cheechoo. Leading the league with 56 goals last year raised the bar pretty high for Cheechoo. Being on the top line with Joe Thorton had a lot to do with that, but chemistry is fleeting, and with the way that Wilson juggles his lines, you don't stay in one place too long if you are not scoring consistently. Many questioned #14's trip to the All-Star game in Dallas, and Cheech's comments that he intends to live up to the selection had more to do with what he has in store for the rest of the season as opposed to what he planned to do on the ice down in Dallas. Cheechoo has 5 goals and 7 assists over the last month with 10 power play points to boot. Look for him to melt plenty of ice for the rest of the year.

3) Obtain a play-dominating, stay-at-home defenseman. Kyle McClaren is great, he's my favorite Sharks blue liner, and no one can argue that Scott Hannan has grit (except maybe Mike Grier), and as much as I like Vlasic and Ehrhoff, there's an argument to made that you can't hoist Lord Stanley without the prototypical Big D. With Ron Wilson's patented "keep it outside the dots" zone defense, the good (albeit young) defensive corps has had quality success in keeping the shots long and visible for Toskala and Nabakov. But if the Sharks have a weak spot, it's defensive turnovers leading to the odd-man rushes that have burned San Jose all season long. At 6-0 and 214 lbs, he's not gargantuan, but Ken Klee has been holding Colorado together this season in the back-end. He's got a plus/minus of 28 playing in all 46 games for the Avs, he's got the legs to keep up with San Jose's speed game, and he's familiar with Wilson's defensive strategies from their days together in DC. Just a thought as the Feb. 27 trade deadline approaches.

It's DateNite at 555 tonight, and it has been made apparent that Sharks game-time audio would be copacetic after dinner fare. I'll be listening to the play-by-play by fellow Saint Lawrence University Alums Dan Rusanowsky and Jamie Baker on KFOX.

Look for Saturday in Pictures at some point tomorrow. We're either hiking to the top of Mt. Tam or headed out to $6 all you can drink mimosa brunch with Summer Clemenson. Either way expect some sweet panoramics.

Grandaddy Gar: "Heard this one at the bar..."

2007-01-25T09:02:00.000-08:00

Are you a Democrat, a Republican, or a Redneck?

Here is a little test that will help you decide.You're walking down a deserted street with your wife and two small children. Suddenly, an Islamic terrorist with a huge knife comes around the corner, locks eyes with you, screams obscenities, praises Allah, raises the knife, and charges at you! You are carrying a 40-caliber Glock and you are an expert shot. You have mere seconds before he reaches you and your family. What do you do?

Democrat's Answer:

Well, that's not enough information to answer the question! Does the man look poor? Or oppressed? Have I ever done anything to him that would inspire him to attack? Could we run away? What does my wife think? What about the kids? Could I possibly swing the gun like a club and knock the knife out of his hand? What does the law say about this situation? Does the Glock have the appropriate safety built into it? Why am I carrying a loaded gun anyway, and what kind of message does this send to society and to my children? Is it possible he'd be happy with just killing me? Does he definitely want to kill me, or would he be content just to wound me? If I were to grab his knees and hold on, could my family get away while he was stabbing me? Should I call 9-1-1? Why is this street so deserted? We need to raise taxes, have a paint and weed day and make this a happier, healthier street that would discourage such behavior. This is all so confusing! I need to discuss with some friends over a latte and try to come to a consensus.

Republican's Answer:
BANG!

Redneck's Answer:

BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! Click

(sounds of reloading)

BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! Click
Daughter: "Nice grouping, Daddy! Were those the Winchester Silver Tips or the Remington Hollow Points?"
Son: "You got him, Pop! Can I shoot the next one?"
Wife: "You are not taking another one of those to the taxidermist!"

Jimi Don't Wanna Hear It

2007-01-24T11:23:00.000-08:00

555 just read a Yahoo! News article that a company called Beverage Concepts is developing a Jimi Hendrix-inspired energy drink called "Liquid Experience" that several people, including Flea, are already pissing all over. We'll add our stream to that communal gush of urinary rejection. If the Hendrix Electric Vodka served up at the Experience Music Project in Seattle is any indication, Hendrix branded concoctions for oral consumption are just a bad idea, because that shit tasted like dirty lawnmower gasoline. Even the EMP bartender said that they never sell any of it. He gave me and Robin Doane a free sample during vacation last Thanksgiving and the glass was still sitting on the bar when we left. Shit's probably still there.

Mega Day After Monday Music Post

2007-01-23T15:49:00.000-08:00

Park Police Reunite for Studio Sessions, Mini Tour
Plenty of mid atlantic music going on for 555's eastcoasters these days. Most interestingly, Pat Wescott reports that Park Police are about to start recording some new material, hitting the studio next month with Micah Huerta to lay down tracks for 5 of 6 new tunes rumored to be in the works. Apparently all the laughter, tears, and falling on babies at Park Police's supposed farewell show at Existian Fest last summer wasn't enough for the road warrior modern rockers--they'll roll the Ranchero up to the Sidebar in Baltimore on March 16. Wescott tells 555 that there looks to be another PP date added for February as well.

Black Hand Tour Rocks with Fearsome Fortitude

Not to be outdone, The Black Hand is in the thick of the east coast leg of their east coast tour. Guitarist/vocalist Kilbatronix says the tour's debut January 20th show with Girl Loves Distortion at the Felix Lounge rocked it SemperFi style. La Mano Negra wraps up the tour epicosity this Saturday, January 27th with Mike Bereshup at everyone's favorite baltimore/kiwi roadhouse Mums. Say hi to Sinclair for 555, Kilbatronix.

Statesmen go Multistate

And if you can't wait until the PPs pull it together for your Wescott fix, there's Elder Statesmen shows aplenty across the eastern seaboard throughout February and March, and as always you can cock your ears to the scintillating shred and luscious licks of Wescott's lead playing on Qway's always dependable Have a Nice Day.

Salt Mines Redux

2007-01-22T11:33:00.000-08:00

Back to work at 111 Montgomery. Still feeling a bit tired but pretty much had to come to work after sloshing down double margaritas at Tia Margarita's on Saturday and then had Rick and Tiffany over for Trivial Pursuit 1980's edition that burned up and spilled over onto Haight St. and beers down at Zam Zam.

Things are developing pretty quickly on the MFE front -- it's all but official that I'll be changing jobs on February 12 and going to work for Alison Rice. I'm fucking psyched.

Anyway, look for this week's Top 5 LPs update tomorrow. Warning -- Susan's been spinning a lot of vinyl lately so set your expectations accordingly.

Saturday in Pictures

2007-01-20T19:31:00.000-08:00

Hope It's Not Anthrax

2007-01-19T09:55:00.000-08:00

Totally sick again today. Day two. Bored and hungry.

Joke from my Grandaddy Gar

2007-01-18T17:24:00.000-08:00

This just in from Grandaddy.....

"I Miss Bill Clinton"

It doesn't matter what party you belong to - this is hilarious. From a show on Canadian TV. There was a black comedian who said he misses Bill Clinton.

"Yep, that's right - I miss Bill Clinton! He was the closest thing we ever got to having a black man as President. Number 1 - He played the sax.

Number 2 - He smoked weed. Number 3 - He had his way with ugly white women. Even now? Look at him . . . his wife works, and he don't! And, he gets a check from the government every month."

Living in a Cartoon

2007-01-18T17:09:00.000-08:00

Someone asked me once if my life was like living inside of a cartoon. I don't know about that yet, but I'm liking this cartoon Robin Doane did of the sleeping situation on Brashears St. in Annapolis. I'm hoping to start posting some scans of the "Downtown Doodles" by Suzie series and maybe getting a licence for Laura Miller's "Over the Wall" too, so good for you if you like to read amateur cartoons and even better if you want to send some in.

Photo Montage Courtesy: Binskis One A Day

Writing Awards

2007-01-18T15:50:00.000-08:00

After I pulled in the ASBPE National Gold Award last year for my viewpoint column in ProSales, news comes in today that Joe Bousquin was part of the team that just became Neal Award finalists in the best single magazine issue category for the November 2006 issue of Big Builder magazine.

"That was an awesome issue," Joe says vie email from New Zealand. "They've got some good things going on at Big Builder. BTW, that's the story I flew down to Orange County for, after you and the Redskins did your best to prepare me [by getting me completely shitfaced at 1:30 in the afternoon] that Sunday in SF."

We're all about preparation here at 555, Joe. Complements of the house. And our complements to you on the Neal Awards -- just making it into the finals is an awesome achievement.

Feeding Frenzy

2007-01-18T15:43:00.000-08:00

Phoenix visits the Tank tonight to take on the Sharks at 7:30 PT. Yours truly was set to head down to Kezar Pub to watch the game and file my first article as an SF correspondent for thefeeder.com.

Right now I'm sick as a dog, so I'll be at home listening to the play by play on KFOX. Only a couple of games left before the All Star Break -- look for my thefeeder.com debut soon.

Panic on Montgomery!

2007-01-18T15:38:00.000-08:00

Not too many moves since California Pizza Kitchen. 555 expects a busy year on the career front. From makeup to multifamilies, news could be coming in any day now. Stay tuned.